If you asked me last year around July 4th what my definition of Motherhood was, I would have given you one word:
survival. It wasn't fun for me. I had three kids under four, I was trying to keep two very active toddlers busy while recovering from childbirth and dealing with a newborn who refused to sleep, and I was battling my own demons deep in the thrones of post-partum depression. That in itself was a struggle that I didn't share with many people; I felt silly, stupid, and out of control. It was, afterall, my third pregnancy and birth; the newborn thing was easy for me, but I still couldn't get it together enough to mange a small trip to the library, much less thinking about packing up and going grocery shopping or spending a morning with friends.
Survival.
Today, almost a year later, while I am still dealing with an almost one year who STILL refuses to sleep, if you asked me my definition of motherhood, I would say:
Flexibility. You see, I am a classic Type A personality. A 'place for everything and everything in its place' kind of gal. I don't handle unforeseen circumstances very well. I don't tend to 'roll with the punches' as some people can. And yet, throughout my four years as a Mom, God has worked on me. In the past, if I didn't know where we were going to eat for family night on Friday night, I would hyper-stress about it. If we DID know where we were going to eat, and two minutes before leaving the house we got a call and our plans changed, I would be frazzled for the rest of the night. As I have had more and more little boys in my home, I have learned to let those things go. God has worked on me since Miles was born to be more laid back. Don't get me wrong.. I still spend almost all my 'free time' organizing, or meal planning, or making lists of some sort; but now, those things aren't what makes my world go 'round, but rather background noise to the more important things like laughing and making cookies with my little men. So here I thought I was doing well in this area. While I know the importance of tradition, routine, and planning, I thought I had found a balance between those things and flexibility. But lately God is teaching me more about this concept. He is saying 'It is not just about letting those things go.. it is about rolling with the punches and ENJOYING your days. It is about making sure your family is taken care of, but not letting the other things bother you.' For the past few weeks, God has been asking me to let go of even more. Before, if I left a load of laundry in the dryer for even 30 minutes after it beeped at me, the need to fold it would consume me until I did it, even if it meant putting down the Ninja Turtles and folding. In the past, if Great-Grandma wanted to take us to lunch at 12pm for a treat, I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself because the whole time I would be thinking about how the kids were going to get down too late for their naps. And Heaven forbid, if the boys wanted to go to swim at 4:30pm when I had beef defrosting in the microwave but no other dinner prep started, I would have freaked out because we wouldn't eat until 7pm! My new goal for the summer is to roll with things. To be flexible. To hold on to my plans with a loose grip, rather than a tight death-grip. And guess what? I've had laundry in the dryer since 8am and it is now almost 2:30. And now, I don't even WANT to fold it! I had too much fun playing Ninja Turtles! That lunch that we went to with Great-Grandma? The kids took a later nap and everything turned out perfectly. And that late afternoon swim with friends? Some of the best memories so far this summer. And even though we ate late that night, my boys ate every bite we put in front of them! Miles and I think we are going to push dinner back later every night!
So here is to fun, friends, and and a flexible summer enjoying whatever is in store for us!!! And if you see my husband at work with slightly more wrinkled shirts, just smile at him. I must have been having too much fun with the boys to care!!! :)
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