Now that my wife has girled up the blog, I think its time for me to post something. Despite all the pink flowers and girly decor of this blog, we really do share it. So here goes...
Adulthood. It has hit me full force. I'm about to be 26 years old with a family, kids, career, mortgage and oodles of responsibility. I've always dreamed of this life. Since I was very young being an adult and having the life I have right now is what I thought about most of the time. It is weird for a ten year old boy to be dreaming about having a dozen kids, but that was me. That life is here now. No, I don't have a dozen kids or want a dozen kids (maybe eleven), but everything else I dreamed of I am living right now.
My wife is everything I ever hoped she could be and so much more. God created her for me and I for her. I don't doubt that my entire life's events led me right to her. I thank God for her many times per day. She is respectful, loving, caring, unbelievably hard working, a great mother, and the best best friend I could ask for. This all flows from her love for God which I can see growing everyday.
My kids have already exceeded my expectations. Miles V is a GREAT little boy and I love spending time with him. Max is amazing and sleeps like a champ. I can't wait to get to know his personality. Its coming out, slowly.
My career is a real pleasure to me. I look forward to going to work almost everyday. It is challenging, rewarding, and an opportunity to be around non-Christians and hopefully show some of the love God has shown me.
Life is great. When I pray, I have trouble being anything but thankful. But God is working in me, still (and always). The responsibility I have as a father, husband, leader and protector of my family is really hitting me hard. I love to be challenged and to have responsibility. It makes me a better man, no doubt. So I have taken to reading about leadership, parenting, being a good husband, and about historical leaders in an effort to be the best I can be. Reading has never been by favorite thing to do. Part of becoming an adult, I guess.
The only thing about adulthood that I was not expecting was my desire for competition. I have always been in sports and the level competition rose with age. It has been almost four years since I have done anything truly competitive and I have come to realize I was addicted to it. I went from the height of my competitive life to bottom in one day. My desire for competition has driven me to want to water ski all of the time. That's competition only with myself, but it is something. I played soccer in a city league for a couple of short seasons but it was too time consuming and took away from valuable time with my wife and kids. It satisfied briefly. I stumbled upon this picture on facebook the other day and I have not been able to get it out of my head.
It was taken right before kick off at the Christian College National Tournament in Flordia, November 2004. It brought back memories of competition and the sent adrenaline streaming through my body. Playing that game was going all out for my brothers in that picture. Every game was that way. How can I get that back? I know I'll never reach that same level of competition again, but my desire for it has surprised me. I played in an indoor co-ed game a couple of weeks ago and got a little taste of it again. It is very hard to repress, honestly. Do I need to coach? Play? Watch it on TV? Take up ping pong? I've even considered running as form of outlet. I ran a half marathon in 1:45 without training and about killed myself, but it was awesome! I pushed myself and made myself do things my body didn't think it could do. That was a great feeling and I want more of it. There is just one problem with this. There is no time for any of it. My wife and kids are too important to me to take time away from them.
In all of my reading the key principle to being a good father and leader is being there. You have to be there. You can't lead from the grandstands and you can't parent through telepathy. My sons need a father there as much as possible and that is too important to let a little stupid and selfish competitiveness get in the way.
Do I ache for competition every second of every day? Of course. But not as much as I want my boys to grow up knowing their father's heart and his love for them. Not as much as I long for their salvation, which I am key too, as their father.
Adulthood is an awesome thing. The responsibility is heavy and I know without God I would fail much more than I do right now. Adults (mostly parents) who don't know God must have a really tough time of it. I honestly don't know how they do it. Knowing God has a plan for my life and that everyday I am exactly where I need to be is my source of contentment, which I have plenty of. I am more blessed than I ever thought I could be and I know God has more for me and my family down the road.
